How to Know If You’re Being Held Back By a Set of Golden Handcuffs
Many people struggle with the question of when is the right time to leave a job for another, even if it’s crystal clear that they are unhappy and not likely to get any happier in the future.
There are a lot of unknowns that can keep you from walking away.
Especially the uncertainty that the next job will actually be better than the one you currently have.
Growing up, I often heard my father say, “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know” – and later found it replaying in my head when I thought about quitting one job for another.
The fact is, that this saying has some truth.
Whenever we decide to make a change, we simply can’t entirely control the outcome. The world is always full of the unexpected and we can’t anticipate everything that might happen.
But what if, on top of that uncertainty that always comes with change, you also have a pair of “golden handcuffs”?
My First Experience of “Golden Handcuffs”
My first pair of golden handcuffs tied me to one of the most wonderful places I’ve ever worked.
That was the problem.
Nearly 15 years later, I still cherish my memories of that place.
It served a social cause that I believed in.
It was one of the most diverse and inclusive places I ever worked – for both workers and the people we served.
I was paid well for work that stayed at work. I rarely took it home with me.
It was unionized, so the longer I stayed the more seniority and job security I gained.
There were great benefits that included excellent health insurance and retirement contributions, ample vacation and sick days, and free public transit passes.
Yet, after a few years of working there, I started to crave something more.
The work was easy and monotonous, and I began to feel lackluster and stagnant.
It was a public institution – the first I’d ever worked for – and I’d had my first experiences of how difficult and slow it was to change and make improvements within a bureaucracy.
Supposedly “quiet quitting” just emerged as a trend in the 2020s, but back then, I saw it all around me. Fellow coworkers who had long lost their motivation in this job, but yet hung on, going through the motions for the promise of a solid retirement package, and because they couldn’t imagine something better.
They had an influence on me. Many were dear friends by this time. Maybe they were right.
Was I really unhappy enough to take the risk? Maybe I should just be grateful and content.
Maybe it would be near impossible to find something as good, especially in this market.
What Are Your Golden Handcuffs - What Is Holding You Back?
The phrase “golden handcuffs” entered English parlance in 1976 to describe when companies offer an employee special incentives to stay with them.
Nowadays, people most often toss the term around jokingly, usually after they’ve just explained why they’d like to leave a job or other situation, “but it’s just too hard … you know, the golden handcuffs.”
When it comes to a job, the golden handcuffs are generally thought to be any one or combination of these things:
A high salary
Excellent health insurance coverage
Generous vacation days and sick days
Bonuses
Equity compensation like stock options or employee stock purchase plans
A company car and other perks
Retirement plan contributions
It’s important to remember that formulating a compensation package that equates to a pair of “golden handcuffs” is a deliberate tactic within a company to retain you as an employee.
Losing employees is expensive for companies. According to Gallup, replacing an employee can cost a company from one-half to two times the employee’s yearly salary – as a conservative estimate.
As a life and career coach, I also hear people describe their golden handcuffs with one or more of these additional things:
The wider-societal status associated with your job (think doctor, lawyer, founder, etc.)
The approval and pride others feel about you in this job (Mom, Dad, even strangers you meet at parties)
The investment of time and money they’ve put into their job (sunk cost)
Seniority and your status within your workplace
High sense of safety and security
How many of these things do you benefit from in your current role? Take a moment to review your own situation.
You might also wonder … so how do I know when I’ve shifted from being a fairly-compensated (or well-compensated) employee to one being held in place by golden handcuffs?
How Do I Know When It Actually Is Worth It To Shake Off The Golden Handcuffs?
As I mentioned in my own story, there are definitely signs that you should pay attention to. Here are some of the most important:
You’re bored and uninspired. When you try to imagine your future at this company or in this career, you can’t. You can’t imagine yourself in the role that is the next level up. You can’t see yourself there in five or 10 years, or at least you really don’t want to.
Your energy is increasingly lagging. You’ve tried all kinds of things to keep your spirits up – changing up your commute, taking on new projects, holding new boundaries – and little seems to help.
Planning (and fantasizing about) your weekends and vacations are the only things that keep you going.
You get the Sunday scaries, or the equivalent: anxiousness about going to work, trouble sleeping because you’re dreading elements of your work.
People in your close circle – and your therapist – are sick of hearing you complain about work.
You feel like you’re wasting your time, and your potential. There are big pieces of you that are going undeveloped, unrealized, unappreciated, or unexpressed.
Now, I fully recognize that work is not always fun and inspiring. All of us go through moments in our work life (or in other parts of our lives) that are difficult or are a slog.
What I find are the biggest differentiators between a difficult phase and a job that you really need to leave is how long you’re feeling unhappy (like over a period of years versus months) and how persistent your inner voice becomes about you needing to leave.
It’s not easy.
Start by beginning to imagine what a better job would look like. Allow yourself to imagine that it exists. 💭
Begin to think more critically about what you are giving up by staying where you are.
How do they compare – in the grand scheme of things – with your current enticements to stay?
What I consistently observe is that cushy benefits and salary diminish steeply in value the more that you experience them as handcuffs holding you back from growth, and living a life in alignment with your values.
When people come out on the other side – of having left their golden handcuffs – to pursue what they really wanted in life or work, they rarely regret it.
In the case of my own golden handcuffs job, I still miss and appreciate the place and the people, but really, my biggest regret is not having left sooner.
There is always something better out there, if you can be brave enough to take the leap to discover it.
One of the hardest parts of giving up my own golden handcuffs job was that I had made a circle of friends through my job. We hung out at work; we hung out after work. I’d even met my boyfriend at work and we lived together. Sometimes it felt like if I chose something else for myself; I’d be passing judgment on them staying.
But slowly I started to allow myself to dream and begin to believe that there was something better for myself out there. There was, and I can help you find it.
When you take into account all these incentives to stay put in a job – plus all the uncertainty that comes from moving to a new job – it makes sense that a lot of people are held in place by their golden handcuffs.
If you are wanting to make a change, but are unsure about how to uncuff yourself from your current circumstances, then why not reach out and see if coaching would be a good fit for you?
