Why People Talk Themselves Out of Making a Change (You Might Be Surprised)

 Photo: Mikito Tateisi on Upsplash

Photo: Mikito Tateisi on Upsplash

The hardest part about making a big change is getting started.
 
The very beginning is when people are most likely to talk themselves out of it, put it off, or allow themselves to get sidetracked.
 
Why is getting started so difficult?

Reason #1: Low Morale

Underlying truth: The moment when most of us decide to finally make a change is precisely the moment that things have never been worse.

For example, you've realized that you must get a new job because you can't stand your boss any more; you feel like you've lost all your work allies; and your big presentation last week totally flopped.

It's all convinced you that you finally need a change, but unfortunately it’s also the moment when you’re at your weakest.

Your self-confidence is down and your self-criticism is up. Your less-than-ideal situation is also taking a major toll on your energy.

You don’t feel like you’ve got anything leftover at the end of a day to put toward getting a new job, much less a new career or, what if what you really need is a totally new life?

This is where people get shut down.

 

Reason #2: Negative Thought Overwhelm

Underlying truth: At the beginning you can only think of what you have to lose because you are still 99% inside your current reality, and only 1% inside the future that you want. (Exact percentages vary, but you get the idea. :))

From here, your vision of what could be possible for you feels vague at best, a delusion at worst. You spend so much time on worst-case scenarios that best-case scenarios don't even occur to you.

You start to talk yourself out of your change, because the whole thing becomes too scary and risky.

To return to the “new job” example, you spend more time thinking about how you’ll never find a job with as good of pay and benefits than about the job you really want and how stack the odds toward getting a boss you like, as well as a great salary, benefits and location.

Without a motivating vision of your ideal job, you can't get past your dread of networking, job interviews and cover letters. So you keep putting it all off. Now you're miserable at work, and upset with yourself for endlessly procrastinating the job search.
 
People come to me for help at the very initial stages of their big change because these two factors have shut them down so many times.

This is the moment where my support can make the biggest difference.
 
After years of experience, I’ve honed a process for helping people get around these roadblocks. The first three steps are:

  1. Understand where you are right now, and show self-compassion for how you got here.
  2. Take daily action to boost your energy and morale. Self-care is no longer optional.
  3. Articulate a vision so clear and compelling that it can motivate you through your worst moments of fear and anxiety.

If you’re currently in the midst of a struggle to set your own change in motion – or you simply want to make it easier on yourself the next time around – I'd love to share how you can use these steps in your own life, and answer your questions personally.

Book a 20-minute call to get around your own roadblocks to change.